I heard it takes 30 days to form a habit. Every morning I wake up, grab my phone and read up on all of my missed text, notifications and horoscope. I know for sure that this is such a bad habit and I’m struggling to break loose of this. I’m in the process of creating morning lessons for myself that can help me incorporate researching and writing into my mornings. Like, I have a newfound love for podcast. I also noticed that if I plan out my day the night prior I get more done and I actually can keep track of all of my projects progress. Every night when creating my schedule I set aside an hour to do any type of cardio YouTube workout or go to the gym yet every morning I never go. I mean I have a list of current struggles that I face everyday but being fat has risen to the top. Sometimes I wished that anxiety caused major weight loss for me. I’d be skinny….. but do I really want to be skinny? Yea, I think so.
When I use to live with my grandmother, fitness and health was a big topic in her house. We had daily talks between my family on losing weight, goals, dieting, the whole nine. Don’t come around and then randomly pop up to visit, somebody is going to say “Oh you look like your losing weight!” I’m not sure if they mean it or if its just a comfort zone phrase to use because a lot of the times I’d actually gained weight. Is this mental? I sometimes think it is, but then I look at pictures of me and notice the double chin that just came alive within the past few month which snatches me back to reality.
Dating in the pass never made me self conscience of my appearance until this time around. I feel like I really need to step my game up. The whole new generation of the stripper body persona has mentally damaged me. How? How would you ever let society control your vision? Well, I’m not completely but society has defiantly altered my vision on self appearance to the extreme of me dating a guy and he actually telling me he’d pay for me to get a fat transfer if thats what it took to make me happy with myself.
Here’s the thing, right now nothing will change about my appearance because I’m not working towards change. I hate working out and I love to eat. These habits won’t get me results. Can I simply hit the lotto or marry a rich man who is pro-plastic surgery? Probably not. My life typically never works like the movies and guess what? Thanksgiving aka Turkey day is in two days…any who, this was just a rant. Something I needed to express. Things will get better. My logic will change.