The Moral of This Story Is….
Someone once told me, “If you don’t act on your thoughts, you’ll lose them”. That was the best advice I’ve received thus far. So look, this is me taking that advice and implementing correctly.
Initially thinking of that statement I’ve always applied it towards my thoughts and dreams of becoming a writer. One day it dawned on me that hey, I’m a writer! I inspire people, I captivate an audience and most importantly I have the ability to drive motivation. I’m pretty damn awesome if I say so myself…..but here’s the thing. Today I looked at that quote “If you don’t act on your thoughts, you’ll lose them” and I looked at it in a completely different way than before. Today when I looked at it I received a different message. Today (to me) it interprets; if he can’t treat me with the respect I deserve, if he can’t communicate his thoughts and act upon them, I’ll realize it, I’ll walk away and he’ll lose me. You that is… you lost me. Just when I thought you got it and you understood, you proved me wrong, proving them right. Shit sucks. I guess the great thing about this is that in the back of my mind I always knew it was too good to be true. People like you don’t change. You don’t know how because your too stubborn to look the truth dead in the eye.
Every relationship feeds off communication. Like my Jamaican friend says “You give me want I want and I’ll give you what you want…you make me happy I’ll do any and everything to make you happy”. I mean I wouldn’t word it as bluntly as he does but he’s right in a sense. If you love someone and care for them, the last thing you want to see is them sad, mad, hurt, or feeling negative right? You want to do anything you can to make things right….right?
Love clouts our thoughts so badly that once the high comes down sometimes we feel ashamed at all of the decisions we’ve made off love. I think that’s what you’re trying to avoid… making the wrong decision, which is completely understandable! Aren’t we all! I could go on and on about this and that but I’m going to keep this letter short and sweet.
I love you. I’ve always loved you. We’ve experienced a lot together. We’ve taken breaks from each other and I always find myself back in your face. You know I’ve been spending the majority of this year on a Self-Love Journey. This journey is molding me into such a phenomenal women. I’ve lost a few people but I’ve gained respect for myself, integrity, and drive to let go and live. Back in the day, I would’ve easily gotten mad at you for touching my feelings, then days later I would’ve gotten over it. Today, I’m more disappointed than mad, I will get over it but I won’t be back.
Again, I love you, I’ve always loved you. You see how easy that is for me to express, yet how difficult that is for you to see. I’m sorry that I can’t be of any assistance to your life anymore, the way my self-love, morals, self-righteousness, and self-worth is set up. I’d be a fool to continue on down this road. I thank you for everything you’ve taught me. I thank you for all that we’ve experienced together, and I thank you for just being that ear that listened to me and that shoulder to lean on when I needed it.