Love is a Losing Game
Today I went out to an early dinner. A celebration for my sister, she won her school’s science fair! Yayyyy!
As I walked into the restaurant already there was my sister and her mom. I warmly greeted them as I would normally do and sat down to wait for the rest of our party. We had small talk, took pictures and laughed a bit before we were led to our table. Party of 8, I strategically picked my seat and who I wanted to sit by, sitting by my sisters mom. We had small talk as our food was being prepared in front of us. Something was on my mind that I wanted to ask her but I didn’t know if it were the appropriate time so I asked her about how and/or if she could help me get a federal government job. We talked a little about that, then she asked me “What is it that you want to do? What are your goals? Do you have them written down?” It’s like, she read my mind and was just waiting for me to pour it out. She gave me some really great life advise and she encouraged me to truly listen, then she told me “You look very unhappy”…..
That then broke me. I wanted to just hug her and cry. I hadn’t realized that I am starting to wear my heart on my sleeve and it was very visible. I continued to listen to her and take heave into what all she had to say. I needed this. I needed to hear this.
Later on as we were leaving the restaurant I took my phone out and sent my everything a text that simply said “Someone at dinner told me I look very unhappy”. He didn’t immediately reply but when he did he said “Somebodies always telling you something, stop listening to people.” I don’t know why but that one blunt ass text stabbed my heart terribly. I don’t know if its because I was just so full of emotions after that talk me and her had or just because I was looking for him to console me and instead he gave me tough love.
Now to me, you show tough love when your son gets his first tackle in peewee football, or when your daughter has her first fall ice skating, or when you get jealous that your best friend declined a bar move because she has a new boyfriend. You get over shit like that within the next phase of the day, but what I was facing today and have been facing over the past few months is not something you should throw tough love on. I promise, I keep majority of my issues and complaints within myself so when I do come to him for a shoulder to lean on he should lend me both. Another thing I don’t understand is how this “tough love” shit seems to be a major issue between us both ways. He feels that I show him tough love during times that he needs me as well but that’s another topic of its own.
Why is it that the person that makes you the happiest is also the same one who makes you the most sad? One thing I heard tonight that was reinforced and emphasized highly was the fact that I am the ONLY person that can ultimately make me happy because I have the ultimate decision on who stays and goes in my life. I have to live for me. Love is only a losing game if your playing with a losing hand. Sometimes you have to start the game over, shuffle your cards, and deal again. Play smart, you’ll thank yourself at THE END.