Cold Case Love.
A silent relationship that developed right beneath the eyes of both of us….This guy was one of those “stay up allllll night and talk” kind of guys. The type that would only let you get 2 hours of sleep because you’d be up all night talking to him. But you wouldn’t even be angry the next morning because you’d always have a “Good Morning” text from him. Just thinking about those days still make me smile and feel good inside.
So many people see us, don’t know exactly what we are, but they know somethings there. Lol I guess were the type that will forever leave minds to wonder, unless your in our circle of course. I mean we’ve been at this thing for 5 years now! We’re more than friends but not really lovers. Some may ask why we didn’t pursue a relationship and stamp this thing years ago. He’s always had his own thing and I’ve always kind of had my own thing ONLY because he let me down in such a nice way so I guess you can call that
One day I brought to his attention that we both felt very strongly about each other and we should take things to the next level. He politely in the best way possible told me that “right now is not the right time for him to be in a relationship“. It hurt me so bad to the point were I told myself that I would never share my feelings to him again. I had to make a decision right than and there, either I would walk away not looking back or I would deal with it and continue to go on with this “friendship” we had going on. I walked away, but I also came back. I wanted to see him because I missed him so much and he missed me as well. But then he gave me a disclaimer “I just want to let you know before you find out by somebody else, I have a girlfriend“. WHAT THE FUCK! YOU WHAT? WHEN? HOW COULD YOU? I was super confused, hurt, mad, hurt, disgusted and over that shit.
Later on in the season I ran into him at a party. It was super awkward to be in his presents. I spoke but I couldn’t even look his way. Somehow we ended up in the same social circle, our conversation became secluded and things got a little more down to earth. I ended up departing from the circle and finding my way to the restroom. As I finished fixing my face in the mirror I opened the bathroom door and there he was rushing me back into the bathroom. No talking, only kissing, touching, and feeling. Unbuttoning his pants, rising my skirt, him sliding inside of me so perfectly like he’d never left my side. This intense fuck was speaking so many different languages to me. Hot and steamy, pounding and biting, clinging and heavy breathing…. Si PAPI! And just like that, it was over… what the hell did we just do? Why would we do this? I missed him, I missed this, but he has a girlfriend I thought! I wonder if he will tell her he cheated…..
Well you all know he never told her he cheated and I then didn’t care anymore. I now had developed such a tough skin for him. I didn’t care what he had, I only cared about what I wanted from him and that was my “friendship” back without me being so emotionally attached to him. So I know most of you all are thinking “that’s defiantly not going to last!” lol well I really didn’t care nor did I think about how long it would last.
So time has past now since that last gathering and I started to get serious with someone else. I knew that if I wanted to be 100% faithful to this new man that I had to end all ties with my “friend“. I knew I had to be straight up with him and let him know and he had know choice but to respect my decisions. That literally lasted for about 6 months, maybe a little longer. We ended up talking again but it was completely friendly, I knew my situation and I respected it completely. So now that me and him didn’t have this intimate relationship anymore and we were strictly on a buddy buddy basis. I started to sit back and observe things and the people around me. My intuition started to eat me alive! What I started to suspect started to become so surreal because I never believed it could happen to me…..
Long story short, I found out he and a friend of mine got a little to well acquainted. They both admitted to it but guess what this was….
Strike 3! Yep, so many of my friends routed for this guy and stood by his side hoping that one day we would grow up for each other and be happy with each other. I felt bad that he let my ladies down. I mean I was mad but I couldn’t have been but so mad, I still was in a very serious relationship at this time so I tried my hardest to not let this let down get the best of me. At the end of the day I became angry with my girlfriend. I mean she knew better! The fact that she told my sister she wanted to tell me on my fucking birthday had put the cherry on the sundae for me. I was through with both of them!
But I wasn’t, I missed him, I wanted to see him. I get so angry with myself because of how easily I could forgive people. I never really sat down and realized how much this guy had let me down until I wrote this. Until I seriously played back our “friendship” from beginning til now. SO! Where are we now? It tickles me that I care so much for this guy, he cares so much for me YET we are still in this same stand still since 5 years ago. I know we’ve both grown individually but our friendship resembles an iceberg. Its hard, nothing can break it, but its cold. As cold as a thief in the night and that’s why this will forever be a cold case love.